A hard-earned, two-wheeled #auspol thirst…

Middle-age men in Lycra lounging at cafe tables – or clattering around in cleats – are a Saturday morning staple: coffee and cycling seem inseparable, at least for men over 40.

One of Melbourne’s biggest Saturday-morning rides used to wind up outside Brunetti in Cartlon when that cafe’s tables still graced Elgin Street; the Bianchis and Orbeas lined up along the wall rivalled the black Euromobiles parked in the street for price, if not speed.

The Saturday morning coffee is the best of the week – the one you really feel you’ve earned, as opposed to those weekday takeaways you sneak in on the way to work, or the second shot you really shouldn’t have after lunch.

How much more do you think a chap deserves it with a hundred clicks under his waistband? Talk about a sense of entitlement.

The Prime Minister is a MAMIL. At home in Sydney, as the member for Warringah on the northern beaches, he and his Saturday peloton might stop at Barefoot Coffee Traders in Manly (though the Boathouse at Palm Beach could be more his style). His brew after a 100 ks on the carbon-fibre Hillbrick? I’m betting skinny capp, double shot, extra hot.

The alternative PM, Bill Shorten, a parent of assorted school-aged kids, most likely spends his Saturday mornings shuttling between netball and Auskick: good luck with the coffee there, Mr Shorten; I’d be holding off until I could call by somewhere in North Melbourne or Kensington on my way back to the west (he represents the electorate of Maribyrnong). I have the Labor leader down for a hard-earned latte. The bike, when he gets on it, would be some kind a 24-speed Giant commuter, suitable for shepherding his family along the Moonee Ponds Creek trail.

Adam Bandt, the closest thing the Greens have to an alternative PM, should add specialty coffee to his long list of shadow portfolios: with an electorate including North Melbourne, Carlton, Fitzroy and Collingwood, he represents about 50 great places to drink coffee. We have spotted him in one of the better stand-up espresso bars in Melbourne’s legal district getting his morning takeaway. Saturdays would see him rolling the Tokyo bike out to somewhere in the inner north for a single origin and the Mexican breakfast.

What about the deputy PM and leader of the National Party, Barnaby Joyce? His Saturday ride is surely some kind of tractor, Toorak or otherwise. As for coffee, I reckon he leaves that to the latte left, even on weekends.

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